she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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