We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
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Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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