So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
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