i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
last night I used snow as a chaser
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