omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
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also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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