From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize