Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize