She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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