I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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