it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize