I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
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Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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