I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize