If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
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I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
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My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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