Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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