i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ride that face into the sunset
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize