Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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