My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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