We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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