You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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