I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize