apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize