he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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