I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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