I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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