my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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