i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fuck appropriateness.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
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No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize