my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize