when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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