I hate your face
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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