Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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