You surviving the open bar?
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I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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