Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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