Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
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On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize