there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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