Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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