after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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