he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
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Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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