I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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