Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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