Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize