$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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