I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
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He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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