it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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