I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Still dying that you shit outside
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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