bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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