he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
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I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
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It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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