i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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