I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize