Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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