By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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