The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize